Badlands Update #5: Food, Fangirling, and Ugh... Facebook.
Hey Badlands Runners!
Let’s be honest.
Some of you stopped reading my emails weeks ago.
But this one is about food, so suddenly we may have everyone’s attention again.
Like your uncle at an annual family gathering, it’s the only part of ultras some of you actually care about.
So get ready to loosen the drawstring on those running shorts. It’s time to make room for the trail delicacies we plan on serving.
Even though this isn’t a 100- or 200-miler, I still want to treat it with the respect an ultra deserves.
Which means food. Lots of food.
NIGHT 50K & 100K RACE CHECK-IN
We’ll be serving complimentary burgers leading up to the 10PM start.
Runner check-in opens around 7PM, and you’re welcome to start eating any time between 7PM and 10PM.
Crew and family are welcome too. I want this to feel like a family event.
Just… don’t Kobayashi my buffet.
Remember — I’m bleeding cash over here and each of you agreed to rope two friends into signing up. It was buried in the fine print on UltraSignup.
Some of you understood the assignment. The rest of you... expect flogging.
DURING THE RACE
During the race we’ll have:
More Burgers
Quesadillas
Grilled cheese
Chili mac & cheese
And whatever else we come up with
Plus the usual grab-and-go aid station stuff.
I’m also banking on the fact that the front-of-pack runners won’t have time to eat, which should leave plenty of food for you back-of-packers to really get your money’s worth.
Every aid station — including the start/finish — will have hot food from the start of the race.
It could be a cold night. We’ll see. May can be a shifty bitch.
Each station will also have vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free options.
Yes, it’s a huge pain in the ass. I’ve been dating/married to a vegan for 11 years at this point.
I am painfully familiar with the assignment.
If you have dietary restrictions and actually plan to eat at the race, it would help to let us know so we’re not blindly guessing during grocery shopping on quantities.
If you’re vegan and planning to bring your own food, that's fine. Tell it to your diary I guess.
SPONSORSHIP ATTEMPTS
I emailed Red Bull about sponsoring the race. Radio Silence.
I’ve been watching a lot of Drive to Survive lately, so I was hoping Christian Horner might come run a Red Bull tent at check-in.
So far they’ve remained… elusive.
I’ll keep you posted.
FAMOUS PEOPLE
I’m copying Glaze on this email.
We shared some miles at the AZ Monster last year and my buddy Pete was fangirling.. hard. I wouldn’t say we’re friends (yet), but maybe if we promote his new book enough he’ll come do a signing before the race and then run it.
The more books we sell, the more likely Andy shows up: SMILE, OR YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
Andy, if you’re reading this, you’re welcome to stay at my place. We’ve got bunk beds, brother. Bunk beds.
Courtney hasn’t responded to the offer yet but I’m sure it’s fine. It's fine. I'm fine.
SHOE GIVEAWAY
I’ve changed my mind about the shoes.
It’s my race. I’m allowed to do that.
Originally we were going to give the six first-place winners a free pair of Altras.
Then we remembered they’re already winning a bunch of prize money.
So the shoes are now being raffled off to runners at the start line.
Think of me as Robin Hood — stealing from the fast and giving to the slow.
Although technically the fast people could still win them.
If you’d like to improve your chances of winning a pair, we need Altra to donate more shoes to the prize pool.
Feel free to send Altra Rep Mike Andersen a 15-30 second video pleading our case:
He did request strong subject lines so the emails don’t get lost.
Maybe something like:
Feet, Free, Fetish, Videos
Think of it like applying for Love Is Blind or Survivor...
Really lean into it. Overshare. Be dramatic. Make him uncomfortable.
He’ll love it.
HOLY SHIT THE SHIRTS.
I warned you this was coming. I gave you plenty of time. And yet… here we are.
It’s time for Phase I of the public shaming.
I didn’t want it to come to this. But some of you left me no choice.
I’m ordering shirts next week. If I don’t have your size by then, I’ll just pick one for you… sight unseen. Probably using a very advanced scientific sizing system based entirely on your initials.
We’ll both have to live with that decision as I'll give preferential treatment on size swap-outs to those who emailed their sizes in
Night 50K
Hugh B.
Sunnie F.
Sean S.
Scott B.
Corey B.
Dustin C.
Kenn H.
Gianna L.
Richard N.
Overnight 100K
Erin K.
Zak F.
Hunter F.
Kirk Z.
Alexander B.
Laura H.
Brian H.
Daybreak 50K
Cameron N.
Conner R.
You have all betrayed me. Your oath. Your allegiance.
Where does it lie?
Et tu, Brute?
All I asked for was a shirt size.
Not surprisingly, the daytime runners seem to have their lives slightly more together than the night runners; only 2 people haven't responded. I probably should’ve seen that coming.
To be fair, a few of you on this list are brand new signups. This is the first email you’ve received from me and you’re probably thinking “Who is this guy and why is he yelling at strangers?”
Get used to it. I get to be my unadulterated self in these emails. The ultimate Keyboard Warrior.
Just know that the rest of the group was warned that public shaming was absolutely on the table if shirt sizes didn’t come in.
So here we are.
Send me your shirt size before I escalate this to full names in Phase II. Hell, if this shit keeps up, Phase III I'll plan on leaking a stack of extremely convincing forged documents about your mysterious travel habits to a particular Island.
I've even attached Shirt/Medal Supplier Kate on this email so she can see what kind of monsters I'm dealing with...
Facebook Group
Badlands 50K/100K Facebook Group
You all know how much I hate social media… but it’s the easiest way to coordinate things, so here we are.
Group Run(s)
We had our first impromptu group run yesterday. Five people showed up.
Meanwhile nine of you answered the poll saying you were interested in group runs.
What the hell.
Just know that every training run you skip is another small step away from the prize money.
Huge thanks to S-Rabh, JB, Chuck, and J-Mo for showing up and sharing some miles.
I also assigned them nicknames without their permission or knowledge. Make them stick.
Special shoutout to JB, who drove an hour and a half to meet you jerks… only for most of you to ghost the run.
Strong work, everyone. Real team effort.
I plan to run another section of the course on Sunday. I'll post in the facebook group on possible lengths and times.
In Conclusion...
A little levity goes a long way when harassing people who voluntarily spent their hard-earned money to attend this circus we’re calling Badlands.
So thank you once again, from the bottom of your credit card.
In all seriousness, I do appreciate all of you and I’m excited for our first sleepover.
The difference is that in the morning it won’t be me doing the walk of shame in last night’s clothes.
That honor belongs to you.
As always, reach out with questions. If you’d rather be surprised on race day or you’ve decided trail running isn’t for you, tell me and I’ll take you off the list.
That’s all for now.
See you in the woods.
— J
