Badlands Update #6: Group Runs & Child Labor Laws
Hey Badlands Runners,
I was going to send this over the weekend.
Then I didn’t.
Which feels fitting, because based on turnout Sunday… some of you are also “planning” things that aren’t actually happening.
Shoutout to the group who showed up for Round 2. The rest of you... shame (atleast the locals).
I assume you’re deep into a highly strategic training block called Avoidance & Delusion.
Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see how it plays out.
Group RUN Round 3 – This Sunday (Yes, Again):
I’m sick. Like… legitimately sick.
But unless my obituary drops before Sunday morning, I’ll be there.
We’re running the Badlands loop:
Spring Mill Pond → Trailhead Aid Station → Blue Trail back
~13ish miles—a nice, civilized preview of the course… Unless I’m actively dying—in which case I’ll take the road back like a coward.
8:00AM SUNDAY.
Location:
https://maps.app.goo.gl/GDC7tstF9vyKHKQF7
If 13 miles scares you—just know that fear is the mind-killer.
Come anyway. Do less. Nobody cares. Just do something.
Content (because apparently we need to prove this race exists):
I will be taking photos. Against your will if necessary.
Right now our social media looks like a fake race someone (yours truly) invented to scam entry fees.
We have very little content. Zero proof. Zero credibility.
So if you’ve been out training and have photos or videos on course—mud, sweat, suffering, near-death experiences—send them. Or better yet.. tag us and do the work for us! @blackwoodracing
We hate social media. Hate it.
But here we are… begging for content like some young dumb shitty influencer. Who woulda thought...
Help us pretend we know what we’re doing.
Updates (shockingly… progress):
Race arch made it through customs. I honestly didn’t think we’d win that battle. At one point it felt like a scene from The Deer Hunter—high stakes, no control, and just hoping for the best.
Selfie wall is in—for documenting your ugly mugs
Flags are here and friggin sweet
Tents are here and somehow even friggin sweeter
We are dangerously close to looking like a legitimate operation
Gear:
Kate is locked in working on shirts, medals, and buffs.
The medals? Actually ridiculous. In a good way.
You’re going to want one… so show up and earn it.
If you didn’t give me your shirt size, don’t worry—we got creative.
You’re getting a custom Blackwood trash bag with arm holes.
Weather-resistant. Emotionally humbling. One size fits all.
I’m still working through what to give the top 3 in each race—and DFL.
If any of you have ideas, pipe up. Send Links (not meatspin.)
Otherwise, my default plan is… prize money... just that. Nothing else.
Which feels both lazy and effective.
Merch (aka: yes, we are eventually asking for more money):
Boco hat order is in. Limited supply. Race day only.
Do we need more of your money?
Absolutely.
Do we feel bad about it?
Not even a little.
Registrations might cover… maybe half of year one expenses.
You’re lucky my family is independently wealthy. My great-great-grandfather invented the font Times New Roman.
We’ve been squandering that passive income on my stupid ideas (like this) ever since.
He’d roll over in his grave if he saw this written in Verdana (like a peasant)
Volunteers (the part I’ve been avoiding like some of you avoid hills):
We need help. Badly.
If you have friends, family, coworkers, inmates or people who owe you favors—send them our way.
Aid stations don’t run themselves.
Course support doesn’t magically appear.
And I can't be everywhere at once… But I'll try!
Plus, this is a great opportunity for your loved ones to witness firsthand the your questionable life choices.
If you’re a parent who brings your kid and leaves them at the race while you run, don't worry.
We’ll get them registered in the Badlands Youth Workforce Program™—entry-level roles in aid station support, snack distribution, and general anesthesia.
Think of it as a slightly larger lemonade stand.
We promise we won’t make them assemble anything… probably.
Anywho...Child labor jokes aside...
For those of you feeling extra generous, consider donating to Howell Track & Field’s 2026 season.
I currently hold the title of DONOR CHAMPION—and frankly, I’m disappointed no one has taken a run at me yet.
Throw them $20 and maybe you'll get some good Karma out of it... not donating is comparable to punching a nun. You need all the good juju you can get leading up to this race.
Give Howell Track & Field All of Your Remaining Income
Maybe if we get them another $1,000 they will run an aid station as one of their team-building exercises!
Final Reality Check:
This race is coming. Fast.
You can keep pretending you’ll turn it up later or you can start showing up and doing the work
Because here’s the truth no one likes hearing:
Race day doesn’t care how good your intentions were.
See you Sunday at 8.
Or not.
Every run you skip now is a decision your future self is going to pay for… loudly and publicly.
As always, reach out with questions. If you’d rather be surprised on race day or you’ve decided trail running isn’t for you, tell me and I’ll take you off the list.
That’s all for now.
See you on the trails!
—J
