Badlands Update #7: Debt Bondage, Your Bad Ideas, and VALHALLA!
Hey Badlanders!
I can feel it… some of you thought I abandoned you. No warning. No heartfelt goodbye. Not even a classy “stepping out for a pack of smokes” email before disappearing into the void.
You’re right. I left you for another hot young thing: The Arizona Monster 300.
Instead of nurturing and bonding with this fragile little family, I disappeared to the desert and captained an aid station at the half way point.
My buddy Jon turned into a human rotisserie chicken in the desert and had to tap, so my noble crew/pacing duties quickly pivoted into volunteer hours which I will cash in to run Moab again in ’27.
A true masterclass in altruism… NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES
On the bright side, I got a refresher on how real pros run these things. Which is great for you, because you’ve all essentially been gambling your money on me figuring this out as I go.
***Fun Fact Alert***
I didn’t even think about bibs until I was out volunteering.
There was a very real scenario where I was going to have to Sharpie your numbers directly onto your shirts at check-in.
Consider this a near miss.
Things I’m dialing in (so you don’t riot at the finish line):
Volunteers... we need them. You love them. You might become one if you DNF hard enough.
Let’s be clear... this isn’t charity. This is strategic altruism with benefits.
Every volunteer gets a Blackwood Tek Hoody (same quality as the runners)
Not a crusty leftover tee. Something we're hoping you'll wear again and again. I want you to. Rep our brand... Especially if you’re one of the cool kids. I don't know if any of those even exist in this group… I assume you’re all just reformed roadies trying relive your glory days
$20 per hour toward a future race
Yes, you can literally convert your volunteer time into discounted suffering.
Even better... if you bring your non-running friends or family, they can donate their hours to you.
That’s right… finally a productive use for those annoying relatives.Raffle prizes
I’m planning to guilt Toni at Running Lab into coughing up a couple $100 gift cards.
No promises—but I’ve been told I’m “persistently annoying,” which usually gets results.Gamification
We're also offering a Free Pair of Altras to the Volunteer who logs the most hours personally. I don't have approval for this but I put it in writing so now Mike will have to follow through. IT'S A COMPETITION!
So yeah… get your friends and family to come volunteer.
Do it for the gear. Do it for the credits. Do it because deep down you know this is a far better use of their time than whatever THEY had planned—TV, doom scrolling, sitting through another boring church service Sunday morning. This is better.
UNPOPULAR OPINION...there's only one deity worth worshipping these days... Killian Jornet. Proof Russell flew too close to the sun at WSER below:
RUNNING LAB
If you haven’t been ordering your training gear, race gear and nutrition from RUNNING LAB then I will absolutely find a way to shame you.
Nothing aggressive. Nothing dramatic. Just subtle, targeted disappointment delivered at the worst possible moment.
FACEBOOK GROUP
Join it or don’t. But if you miss important info because of your moral high ground, that’s on you. LINK TO FACEBOOK
Side note to the above statement: All truly important information will come from emails like this and my C+ runner's guide NOT Facebook
GROUP RUN SUNDAY 8AM @ TRAILHEAD FOR 9ISH MILES - GPS LINK
I'm planning on running the Blue Loop on Sunday morning (some of you will probably do Yellow as well)
Every run you skip increases the odds you get beat by someone who looks like they signed up by accident.
For the group run and race... I spent your money on more random stuff like a gimbal and drone (10 registrations worth of $$$ lol)
The goal is to get some legit footage of you all out there suffering... Remember, we’re still measuring our longevity in months like a new relationship or a baby.
Currently, we have very little cinematic proof which feels like a branding issue.
So… dress accordingly.
Look fast. Look cool. Dare I say… sexy?
I need a proper honeypot of runners to lure in more poor souls like sirens of the past.
Guys… 5" inseam MAX. No exceptions.
NOW .... IDEAS?
If you’ve got ideas to make this race better, I do want to hear them.
That said...I reserve the right to completely ignore anything you people send me.
Money is basically no object.
Time is our biggest constraint. Even if it's a good idea, it may get rolled into next year.
If you’re going to pitch something—WOW ME. By now, most of you have received enough of these emails that you get my presonallity
BATTLE CRY?
Looking for something unique. Something fun. Something that doesn’t feel stolen from a middle school pep rally.
Real sports have the National Anthem.
Soccer has singing.
Candice has the pledge. (link)
I think Badlands should have a Battle Cry.
Right now I’m strongly considering ripping from Mad Max and opening the race by counting down "3...2...1... WITNESS ME” screaming into the void as you all take off into the woods. Your homework pre-race (other than training) is to watch Mad Max: Fury Road so you understand the intensity in which I want it delivered.
Join the cult. Find Valhalla. SEE SHORT VIDEO HERE
No explanation. No context. It just seems fitting for BADLANDS
Because...why not? We're here to do hard things that most people don't understand. Let's add our own brand of chaos to the sport.
As always, reach out with questions. If you’d rather be surprised on race day or you’ve decided trail running isn’t for you, tell me and I’ll take you off the list.
That’s all for now.
See you on the trails!
—J
